I Can’t Believe I’m Calling Myself Agnostic

I had some really insane paranormal experiences growing up, all of which were in the company of others, so that I could confirm I wasn’t hallucinating. Those experiences caused me to question the afterlife and whether there was a God, leading me to Christianity, where I was absolutely radical and obsessed with Jesus. I felt that he had saved me from these evil experiences. But I continued to have them, just with different manifestations.
As I grew older, I naturally began to have agnostic type beliefs. It felt like a very organic process, where I began evaluating reality much more practically and realized that everything isn’t supernatural. I began to wonder if what I had experienced had anything to do with energies, as my experiences began in my teenage years, when puberty seems to make a person hyper emotional. A lot of my girlfriends at school were having similar experiences as me, so it seemed logical. I read somewhere that puberty in young girls can cause psychic type activity in their environment, which is a purely scientific explanation to me.
I began studying runes and had the same experiences with reading runes that I did reading the Bible. The same can be said in my journey with the book The Artist’s Way, where you essentially call on the Universe to direct you to the fulfillment of particular dreams you have. It was definitely what one would call a “divine process”. And every person I’ve ever heard a review from regarding that book said those strange things happened to them too, regardless of their faith.
I’m beginning to believe that I’ve just been talking to my conscious self all along and that I created God in my mind because I didn’t believe in myself enough and needed someone else to be God for me, due to poor self-esteem. Or possibly because I fear my life and my world being in my own hands, because I recognize my limitations. Projection was the natural coping mechanism.
My adoptive parents are really devout Christians, and I worry about what kind of effect it would have on them if they ever found out that I’m not what I can call Christian anymore. It’s going to be so much harder as my daughter is growing up and they realize that I’m not obsessively teaching her the Bible or taking her to Sunday school (which is just a pedo jungle in my opinion). I want my child to believe in herself and to learn to become strong in her mind, so that, when she arrives at adulthood, she has the security she needs in life. That is something I majorly lacked coming at the world from a Christian perspective.
I honestly can’t even believe I’m calling myself agnostic. I’ve been so afraid to admit it, because of the deep seated fear of Hell that I’ve been taught all these years. But I feel like, if he is real, wouldn’t God be more righteous to punish me for lying to myself, rather than taking the hard route to honesty? Because honesty inevitably requires me to do the hard work to come to a conclusion of some kind.